Centralian National Television (CNTV)

[Tytor]

CNTV®
Centralian National Television


Homeland Security Department Announces New Safety Measures

NEW PROVIDENCE -- Homeland Security Secretary Lance Pullman gave a press statement this morning announcing several changes to DHS policy in response to a shooting at the Innsmouth Zoological Park in Innsmouth, New Haven, on Monday.  These changes include, among other things, a six-month moratorium on firearm sales nationwide with strengthened background checks on such sales thereafter; increased police security measures at such tourist attractions and public accommodations as museums, zoos, airports, train stations, and government buildings; and heightened restrictions on civilian internet usage.  In announcing these changes, a full list of which can be found online at the Homeland Security Department's website, www.dhs.gov.cn, Secretary Pullman gave the following explanation.  "This is a time of tragedy," he said, "This is a time which calls for national introspection.  This is a time of fear, of anger, and of sadness.  As a nation, we have a responsibility to ensure that terror attacks of this scope do not happen again.  Accordingly, we at the Department of Homeland Security have determined that certain measures must be put in place for the public good.  I assure you that these actions are not being taken lightly; if those of us who have been entrusted with your safety were not absolutely certain that these measures were absolutely necessary, then they would absolutely not be under consideration, let alone facing implementation."  While it remains to be seen how effective these measures will be in preventing future shootings, government officials seem highly optimistic regarding them.  When contacted for comment, President Tanner's office said simply that "good things are coming".

[Tytor]

CNTV®
Centralian National Television


Rokkenjiman Museum Ship Visits Innsmouth

INNSMOUTH -- In the latest stage of a goodwill tour, IRN Josiah Rhodes, a museum ship operated by the Imperial Rokkenjiman Navy, stopped in Innsmouth on Friday for a port call which lasted until early Tuesday.  The ship, a battleship with an honorary naval commission, was unavailable for tours during the visit due to unexpected mechanical problems, but proved a popular attraction nonetheless.  Citizens entertained themselves by taking selfies with the ship in the background, or with sailors in port on leave.  The Rokkenjiman sailors were well-behaved and no incidents related to their shore leave were reported.  Josiah Rhodes departed Tuesday morning for Port Monsoon, Floodwater, next on its itinerary of non-Rokkenjiman ports on this tour.

President Jim Tanner's office did not respond to a request for comment, but according to a spokesperson for the Department of Defense, representatives from the Imperial Rokkenjiman Navy were gracious in their communications regarding the visit.  Defense Secretary Orrin J. Forrester spoke to reporters later.  "While we obviously have our differences with Rokkenjima," he said, "We're happy to host these goodwill gestures whenever the Rokkenjimans want to make them."  When asked whether he thought the decision to stop in Centralia had anything to do with tensions between Rokkenjima and Tamora, Forrester was adamant that he did not believe that was the case.  "The entire purpose of this visit was to promote goodwill," he said, "We accepted the offer of a visit; the fact that the Josiah Rhodes didn't stop in Tamora most likely just means that the Tamorans did not.  I wouldn't read anything more into it."

[Tytor]

CNTV®
Centralian National Television


President Presides Over Ribbon-Cutting Ceremony at New Power Plant

OAKLAND CITY -- President Jim Tanner took part in the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the Oakland Central Power Facility on Monday afternoon.  The new power plant, which is powered by natural gas, is expected to provide as much as 60% of the state's power needs--

<Signal interrupted; rogue broadcast begins>

"People of Centralia, many of you already know who I am.  I am not a stranger to primetime television in this country, though it is true that I have rarely broadcast from this auditorium on any day of the week except Sunday.  For those of you who are not familiar with me, I am Nehemiah Godfrey, pastor of the Ashboro Evangelical Christian Church until a few months ago, when I was abducted and imprisoned without charge by the Department of Homeland Security.  This nation's government has wronged me, as it has wronged many of you, and it is time for the corruption to end.

"I stand here today as the shepherd of a new flock, the Lord's Resistance Army.  We are, first and foremost, freedom fighters, struggling for the God-given rights and privileges we are denied under Lance Pullman's shadow regime.  We fight for the spiritual and temporal wellbeing of all Centralians, old and young, male and female, for all are children of God Almighty.

"The point, at last: today, the thirteenth day of the ninth month of the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty-One, marks the beginning of a crusade, a People's Crusade for the Liberation of Centralia.  The Lord Our God blesses those who follow Him, and so I can promise that all who follow Him in this great crusade, this holy war for the destruction of the godless bureaucrats and politicians in the blasphemously-named city of New Providence, will assuredly see His blessings.

"For mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord, and He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored.  He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword, and His truth is marching on.  Glory, glory!  Hallelujah!"

<Rogue broadcast ends; newscast resumes>