Author Topic: The Great Vodou Phone In  (Read 2700 times)

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Offline Paracambi

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The Great Vodou Phone In
« on: October 09, 2018, 02:39:23 PM »

Every week between 6pm and 7pm on Paracambian Public Broadcasting (PPB) well respected Vodou Houngan (Male Priest) speaks about the issues of the day and then opens his phone lines for questions, comments or ideas from the community, or even further afield.



"Hone ak Respe[1] and welcome to tonight show. It's finally happened we're leaving the islands, we're heading for Albion and the warmth of the Loa is coming to the people. It may have started with a group of chancers from Bakkermaya, a nation living outside the influence of the Loa and misguided by my man Legba, he can certainly be a trickster drawing you down the wrong arm of the crossroads. Now though we have a signpost, a man, a wise and honest man to stand there in the crossroads saying "Nah Legba, let these kids go the right arm", we've had such people in the past who have thrown themselves forward but their voice has fallen on the ears of the deaf, now though we have a lion roaring for the world to hear. The man Benson, he's a regular at my sermons and my rituals and I know, I know very well, he is a true brother in the faith, yeah he may be married to that Rasta Queen but he knows the way of the Loa trust me. Now he's taking the reigns, he's spotted the love-bus of Vodou was minus a driver and now he's in the driving seat, the SatNav is set for Albion and that brother is just adjusting the rear view before we get things going. A leader of the Vodou faith can unite us all behind the Loa and an Emperor is just the man to do it. This ain't no wannabe prophet from the woods of an Alucard island, this is an Emperor, a man with a country behind him, a man with a people and a history behind him, and a man with a plan. The same day this happens is the same day the Catholic buses wheels have come off, we've the front wheels bouncing on down the road leaving their passengers and luggage scrapping in the dusty road. The Pope can shout at those wheels all he likes, but they off, they merrily on their way abouncing down the road, who knows maybe to something better. Yeah the Pointy Hatted dude has spoken out against slavery, but what has he done. Did not their preacher dude John 3:18 say "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." I been hearing lots of words, but I ain't seen any deeds or truth. Vodou teaches us each human needs to be free, a man in chains is not a real man, he is kept apart from the Loa and that ain't good. Our ancestors broke them chains for many but they remain. This week we seen the people of Freestone in East Moreland do something, they say to the world, "Hey man these sweet goods.....they are made without Slaves." and then Lodja, and now Slava hear them and say, "Yes that's good, in they come", while those evil goods, those made with the blood of their fellow people, kept right outside. Now we stand at them crossroads again, Legba waiting for us, will you walk that path down towards the lovely cheap goods coated in blood, or will you take the path towards the righteous, Popes I guess its over to you. As always that's the week in Vodou, what you need, what you want, or what you gotta tell me. Lets open the phone lines.



OOC- Whether this becomes weekly or not I don't know, just imagine a guy now chatting with people across the country, some asking for spiritual advice, some questioning his attitudes, some wanting to learn more about the faith. You can ask him whatever.
 1. traditional vodou greeting, meaning Honour and Respect

Offline Libby

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Re: The Great Vodou Phone In
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2018, 10:29:19 PM »
"Hi my names Alisha and I'm calling from Ui Cenneslaig, long time viewer, first time caller. Regarding Emperor Benson, nowhere in his speech does he explain how he intends to create this Albion Vodou Empire thing, what ways are acceptable to a Vodou practioner and how realistic do you think his ambition is?"

Offline Paracambi

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Re: The Great Vodou Phone In
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2018, 10:45:40 PM »
"Hello Alisha, thank you for the call. You kind of ask two separate questions so allow me to tackle each in turn. First how realistic is the vision, possibly not that realistic but any faith that does not wish to see its numbers grow and dream of the day they have the world following the golden path then they are a faith not really doing their job right. Big plans are a must and never in the history of our faith has a person had bigger, this is like the grand-daddy of ambitions. Now it will hopefully see more nations embrace our faith and that will be a start. I'd think of it like a ball of moss rolling down a hill gathering pace and picking up more mass as it goes. Now your 2nd question was what ways are acceptable. A Vodouist believes they must be part of their community, regardless of what nation in, what faith the community has they must be a good positive member of it. This means that by acting as a good example people will think better of the faith, will see the power of the Loa. By teaching people the ways of the faith, helping them understand the path to connecting with their ancestors, their spirits. That is the key, we we will one day help people see the power of our faith, however one issue we have is that unlike every other faith we have no written texts, just stories passed on one to the other via Hougons and Mambas which means an uneasy way forward."

Offline Paracambi

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Re: The Great Vodou Phone In
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2018, 10:37:12 AM »
16th October 2018

"Well its been a busy week out there in Mundus land. We're seen the first trip by the new big Hougan, Emperor Benson, to a foreign land and didn't he start that trip off nicely. The man looking all dapper in his made to measure suit speaking with the media just how the boss should. He then gave due respect to the Loa by offering them that goat. Now to those out there in TV land you saw the one goat go down, its blood upon the stone. The Loa they would have lapped that up and blessed us multiple times over, respect is due where respect is given. What you did not see though was what happen next. The cameras got their 10 minutes of stuff for the nights news, those across Mundus will see us killin them goats and roll their eyes but what happens off camera is just as important. Five minutes after that goat goes to the great beyond its carved up, its meat sent down the road, the Aluhampton Centre for Dementia, that right, a home for those losing themselves to this evil, wickedness. It's a home that like many other hospitals struggles to make ends meet, and now at least for a few days its spending less on providing good wholesome food for the people, if that's not a great thing for the Loa to do then what is?

It's hospitals I hear that take the man Benson to Seaforth, a land of Mc this and Mac that, culturally as far removed from the islands here as you can imagine, I mean a like a grass skirt as much as the next man but no way would I be wearing a kilt thing in the snow, boys be crazy there. What they ain't crazy with though is the spirit of charity, to build a hospital for the lost sheep of Zimalia. Those ancestors of ours were dragged from that land and through the warrior spirit broke them chains, robbed them boats and wham! landed right here in a tropical paradise. But we put from our minds them people back in Zimalia. Corruption, the old tribal ways, foreign sneakiness, it all turned them on each other and kept them downtrodden. But now us and Seaforth, a hospital we'll give them, at least that's the plan. Its a plan I approve of, we all approve of and yes we need a few more here in Paracambi but the Loa need sacrifices to help others and so if this new building helps turn just one soul back to the Vodou then its ok with me. Good on you Andy and Benson, you go build that hospital, a building with the power for good.

Not all buidlings be for the power of good though. That Seleucid man, Akakois, he be building for the Gods of his. A great big glass temple, he's building it so high the man need only take a step ladder on the roof and he can step into heaven. That ain't the way though. Surely his Gods be looking down and thinking, man how many hospitals could that build, how many starving children could that feed and man how many school could that open. It's my problem with all other religions I see, the Catholic Church, it goes round Mundus tossing out billions at any chance. The Freestone Abolitionist Society, I love each and everyone of those crazy Morelanders, but it don't need no billions. It's a group of young Morelanders sat in an office pushing some paper around, you want to do good with your billions, throw it the way of the people of nations like Cabbagelandiet, Zimalia, hell even Uppsala still needs to get its feet back under them. The FAS, well it got those Morelanders bank rolling it. What we have is virtue giving, anti-slavery is an incredible cause, the Catholic Church they get slammed about it, so Pointed Hatted Pete what does the man do, throw money like a crazy aunt at a wedding. Now the brother can say he's helping fight slavery, but a rifle can only fire so much ammo so why give one soldier all your bullets while others have just a bayonet. The fight to make Mundus a better place is one that needs well equipped moral soldiers, and I don't mean no gun toting folk I mean people willing to do good deeds, to fight for the small guys, to do that we need to seek out smaller groups, build them up. One mega group is fine and dandy, but imagine what could be achieved by hundreds of medium sized groups active in all nations. It'd be like a tsunami evil couldn't build a dam against. That's what nations need to do, not go big, not go showy, be like Benson, pick your cause and help it everyday in a small way.

That is all for tonights show, unless you lovely people out there have any questions.


Offline Paracambi

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Re: The Great Vodou Phone In
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2018, 10:55:49 AM »
24th October 2018

Blood slacks the thirst of the soil, or so say the Loa. All land and fertility on Mundus is built on the notion of death, why does the lush tropical forests on the islands of our nation flourish? Because they feast off the dead, from the soil we came and to the earth we shall return our physical form replenishing the world in the never ending cycle of life and death. So if we return to the earth from which we came and then our spirit goes on to a happier place then why are the world condemning the Iwi for their execution, surely they are doing the person a favour. They are releasing his spirt from his confinement in a human form, they are recycling his body to repay his debt to Mundus and help the planet grow. We should therefore be praising the Iwi for helping these criminals onto a better world. If you put it that way then it sounds good, but this is the problem, the Loa love us and need us, by ripping a creation of theirs so violently from the world we offend them, we offend each other. Papa Legba himself sits at a crossroads, more often than not he sits next to a cage in which the condemned is left to die, a reminder that the decision you make at the crossroads has many paths that can lead to the point where the condemned now sits. Take the wrong path and who knows what actions you could be tricked or forced into making but we must reap the consequences of what we sew. No one placed a gun into Imran Gamal's hand and made him murder the Maori, for that the Loa will extract revenge, but for brutally ripping the soul out of the creation of the Loa then the Commonwealth of the Iwi will also feel the Loa's vengeance, shed blood, you get what you sew, that is the way of the Loa. Shed the blood for love such as we do when we ask the Loa to bless a person you get kindness back, shed it for vengeance and then someone will seek that against you. What we give, we get returned. You see soon many people will die in horror in the Chinese Republic, they still have time to show some compassion and receive that back. Letting people freeze to death will only turn your own heart to ice. Executions should be swift and humane, a final kindness shown to a person who didn't heed the warning of Legba, you show them mercy and the Loa will show it you.




Offline Paracambi

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Re: The Great Vodou Phone In
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2019, 08:22:10 PM »
20th February 2019



Ya know me Mother used tell me as a child, "Mischief come by di poun and go by di ounce", its a valuable lesson. You speak wrongly, take the wrong path at the crossroads of Papa Legba and you bring down a whole ton a trouble upon yourself. Now once that trouble begins it takes a long time for it to leave you, it takes times for people to forget your past, your hurt caused, your evils and even your mistakes. Its these mothers words them people over in Midaranye should heed now. Talking about nuclear weapons, Jihad, slaves and every man and his pet floating off that coast. While in the midst of billions of dollars of fuel being burnt, untold damage to the environment by them there expensive aircraft zipping around like the bluebottles on a rotting corpse we are witnessing a humanitarian crisis. Now do not get me wrong, the Seleucid they did some horrible things, they getting mischief by many many pounds now, and you can see only weeks later people taking any aid to them, that be them ounces me mother talking 'bout. Its a crisis made worse by one religion calling on a Jihad against another that be nailing little girls to wood. Its horrific, the death of one child is bad enough but will the deaths of thousands, maybe millions of others bring her back? Nah, course not, it just fills the grave yards with more stones to keep her company and once the dust it settles what have we achieved, nothing. We won't have brought an end to suffering, we don't have eradicated some disease, cleaned the oceans, or made Mundus a better place. The fact a man of God is saying its OK frightens the life outta me. When a handful of dumb Voduists took over a village of five houses for 24 hours the world lost its mind, one nation declared a war on us, another was about to send a fleet here, and what did we do? We knew what was right and what was wrong and didn't let blood be shed in the name of our religion. We sorted the problem out with strong leadership, Benson stepped himself forward, called for unity in our faith and issued great proclamations for peace, love and understanding. That is the role of a religious leader. We now stand at the edge of a great evil beast being unleashed in Midaranye, the beast of war and when that day comes who knows what will happen, the people there need to remember, before a monkey buys a pair of trousers him betta have thought where his tail be at. We now have several monkeys with no clue over them tail and they still be browsing them skinny fit jeans with the holes in the knee.

The nations of Midaranye need to cool themselves, there be more need for talk less need for war and anyone making nuclear weapons should remember, same knife that can kill the goat can kill the sheep just as easy. Take it easy and may the Loa have your backs.


OOC- Remember this a Vodou Priests weekly TV show, his opinions are his own not Paracambi's but he does accept phone calls from viewers so if anyone wants to ask him anything they can do.

Offline Paracambi

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Re: The Great Vodou Phone In
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2019, 11:45:14 AM »
20th February 2019