Fellow Orderians,
If you think this post is about you, it probably is. There are many amongst us who I owe an apology to, and it kills me that there's those of you with us that my battles with demons precluded us from writing wonderful stories together, or even just simply getting to know each other and having fun together. My words shared with members of our community, even if spoken in times I had been drinking, had no place being spoken and while I can offer my apologies I'll never force anyone to interact with me if they don't wish to. I get it, I do, I said horrible things to people who didn't deserve it regardless of the circumstances and, perhaps, my only hope is that they may one day forgive me for that and we can write something beautiful together. I'll hope for that day to come, I'll look forward to welcoming it, but I won't ever force it.
It's been an amazing journey for me over the past month, I feel so much better than I have in ages and I see the colours in the world around me again and, maybe, I'm better at forgiving myself and recognizing that every bad thing that happens in life is not my fault. I tried the route of self medicating from a bottle, which led to a vicious cycle that saw me attacking people here and, looking back, I am ashamed at the things I said and did. It is our collective responsibility, as members of this community, to see that everyone feels welcome, that all feel safe, and that everyone here has a good time. I recognize where I failed so many times, and while the words exchanged can never be taken back, I hope that my actions as we move into the future together can, maybe, one day drown out the past.
I hope that the opportunities I've lost out on to write together with some truly talented and capable writers are, one day, restored because damn, you guys (and gals) put out some amazing stuff! I read all the RP that goes on here and I'm honestly happy and proud with some of the bangers y'all put out; you all write quality content and you should be proud of it! So even if you're not ready to engage with me directly know that I am one of your biggest fans and will hype you up with every opportunity presented to me to do so, and thank you for engaging with our community and crafting such wonderful works. The labour of your time, efforts and energies truly are appreciated.
That's all I wanted to say right now. There's many who deserve recognition that I haven't been able to do so due to my battles, but I want to highlight them and they know who they are. I know our first impressions weren't the best and I'm sorry you met my fatally flawed and self-destructive self, between us I hate her too. I hope, one day, you and I can truly meet and my shortcomings can be properly rectified.
And to one and all, stay awesome. Your stories are so wonderful to read and I'm thankful you contribute your creative energies to this region we all share. ❤️
